Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall and What I Learned Through It All

The top five lessons life taught me in 2019.

1.) Trusting the process and being okay standing in the unknown.

This one, this one is the biggest lesson. One I struggled with most of my life. This past year though, things shifted. It didn't just happen; it took a lot of work. One big issue that upset me I was finally able to see the light; meaning all the worry was just depleting me. It did nothing to solve the issues, it did not help me feel better, it made me feel worse. I use to think that I couldn't control worry; that it was hard wired into who I am based on my life experiences. That was a lie. I can and did control my worry and better yet redirected that energy into the most positive images my mind could conjure. Each time I had a worrisome thought about this issue I MADE myself think of this issue in a positive light. Some people, like Mel Robbins, call these "anchor thoughts." It takes some practice, but it works and it helped me grow

tremendously in this area.

Much of my thought anchoring time happens when I am standing under the moon. Something about her just soothes me. Doesn't matter if she's full, new, waxing or waning, crescent...

2. Almost dying was okay

I wrote an entire blog post about my anaphylaxis episode in July. It was scary, no doubt. When you literally feel the life force leaving your body you question, or at least I did. Each time I was fearful during this episode, something then rose up and met that fear with peace. I can't truly explain in words how I felt; but I came out knowing a few things: I am not done here on Earth, I have work to do and differences to make. I am living a life that leaves a legacy, one I am proud of. Also, the physical aspect of it, I questioned a lot why? Why did this happen to me? Someone I was talking to asked if I take vitamins and or supplements, I did not. (She asked because often an episode like this can happen when your system is down) I do now though as my research has really shown me that most of us are very deficient, especially in vitamin C, which I now take a hefty daily dose. I don't think I realized how worn down I was feeling before supplementing, but I sure feel the difference now. Along with vitamin C I have also incorporated a handful (a literal handful) of other supplements. For this little bee, I am thankful. She woke me up to remind me to take better care of myself and I am heading her warning.

I am choosing self love and self care daily. As well as a nearby supply of Epipens and liquid Benadryl.

3.) I can not help someone that can't or won't help themselves.

This one has finally sunk in. I am no longer expending my energy to help people that can't or won't do the work. That doesn't mean I don't encourage those that can't or don't; I do. I encourage, I have compassion and all the love in the world for them. Yet, I now know I can not do the work that is required and meant for someone else to do for themselves.

What a freeing piece of wisdom.

4.) Patience or lack of is at its root, where expectation and reality aren't meeting.

I am very open in my blog posts about always trying to work on having more patience. When discussing this with a wise friend she helped me unlock this "patience" trouble I was having. She said, "What does that mean, having more patience?" I replied "To not react so quickly." To which she then said "what's going on when you react so quickly?" Then I quickly reacted and said "I get frustrated!"

"Ahhhh.." she said "frustration.. when we aren't accepting reality, we arent accepting what's really going on"

Then it clicked and I remembered reading somewhere "Expectation vs reality = frustration."

Working on having more patience does require some physical work, like taking several deep breaths, but I now understand it also requires some mental work, simply accepting what is happening in the moment. Pretty much like dogs live.

5.) Friends will come and go. The right ones come to me at exactly the right time. They will be at the same vibration.

I can look back now and see that everyone I have ever been friends with was with me because that's where we both were, in the ways of vibration, maturity, growth and intellect. I have outgrown some friends and some have outgrown me. I understand now that friends will come and go and I understand why. I am no longer hurt by past friendships, I see them for the lessons they were and I cherish my current friends and look forward to whomever I connect with in the future. This is not me in the photo, but it's one I would like to re create with a good friend. Think I will!

2019 was rough for a lot of people, me included at times. It was also wonderful for me. A very important connection was gained, the one that was causing me so much pain. I'm intentionally being vague to protect privacy, but those of you who know me, know how much this re connection meant to me. I was able to endure the pain while it lasted (which was long time) because of the number one lesson I wrote of above. "Trusting the process and being okay with the unknown."

I hope that anyone reading this that is having trouble with this kind of trust knows that they can indeed get there, get to the place of being ok in the unknown.. because believe me, if I can ANYONE can.

Here's to an amazing 2020, with all it's ups and downs that are sure to come, there are lessons.

Sending love to all that read this near and far.