C D A

Not a supplement, fancy job title or even a product I want to tell you all about. Nope, this is just me talking openly and honestly about a theme that keeps coming up in everything I read and listen to.

COMPLIANCE DEFIANCE ALLIANCE

Rather they are phases in a lifetime or moods throughout a single day. I have some thoughts on these words and my experiences with them.

As a child, I was compliant, the oldest, so fairly typical. I did what I was told, I helped with the younger ones and yielded positive results for my compliant behavior.

My preteen and teen years, like many, were a bit on the defiant side. I ran away from home at age 16 and suffered with anorexia for many years in my teens. No one was was going to tell me what to do, so I ran. No one was going to tell me what to eat, so I didn't eat. I was defiant.

I became a mother just after turning twenty years old. With this new roll, I was back to compliant. I did my best to feed my children healthy food, take care of their physical and emotional needs, exposed them to as much outdoor activities as I could and generally, tried to be the best mom I could. I always had at least a part time job and usually a side job or two of cleaning houses and caring for other children as well as my own. I had all three of my children at age 27. I was compliant.

By the times I was 30, defiance crept back in. Feeling overwhelmed, under appreciated, sad and unfulfilled. Not knowing better at the time, I went straight to fixing the outter me, not the inner me. The quickest way to change your outter you? Hair color.

Then forty rolled around. This is when my long path to alliance began. I still carried around all my insecurities like a badge, like this is who I am, love it or leave it, but not in a good way! I was anxious, sad, mostly complaint with hints of defiance. Until something shifted, the way it does in most middle aged people. I started asking all the questions.. who am I? What to I want? What do I believe in? Am I worthy?

I am now (2 months to the day!) away from turning 50! I FINALLY know who I am, what I want, what I believe in and the fact that yes,I am worthy. Worthy of the life I want (AND HAVE) This feeling is alliance and its fire melts compliance and defiance. Sure there are times for compliance, for instance, paying taxes; and for defiance, like social justice. However, a good portion of my life is now spent in ALLIANCE.

Some of the word alliance's cousins (aka synonyms) are accord, covenant, treaty, pact.. PACT is where it stands in my life. I have made a pact with myself to live and act in accordance with what aligns with my soul.

The trouble with this insight is that it took half a century to acquire.. and I am just beginning, I will always be learning.. after all if we aren't growing (learning) we are dying.

Is there a way to infuse this knowledge, this understanding into younger people; so that they may have a heads up that the people my age did not? I think so.

I think it comes from people my age helping the younger ones see the reality that we ALL struggle. These days with social media the younger generations are caught up in a terrible ongoing loop of comparison.

A 20 something person goes on social media to see their friends on vacation or in their brand new house.. they often don't see the struggle that went on to get there or more often, the struggle that comes from "keeping up with the Jonses" All that time spent comparing I am convinced is soul sucking. Not only does it occupy too much time that can be spent in so many other ways; it makes people feel defeated before they even start. I know so many young people that think they are all washed up at 30!

I am not bashing social media per say, my business depends on it, especially this year when advertising online is the only option I have. I am saying though that content matters. We all need to be mindful of who we follow, who follows us and what we read. If we don't, we will be led to believe that happiness, fulfillment and deep joy are luxuries only for other people. THIS IS NOT TRUE! What is true is that we ALL have struggles, battles some even wars in our lives. We ALL go through bouts of feeling less than, like we don't matter, or that life isn't worth living. When people are honest, almost everyone I know will admit to these feelings at some point in their lives.

Where things like social media and blogs like this are incredibly helpful is that we can openly talk about our issues and how we overcame them.

We as humans over complicate just about everything. It does not have to be this way. There is help. Reach out. You are not alone.

Use some compliance when needed, use some defiance when needed.. but really strive for alliance. And when you do, remember that feeling and how you achieved it because you will not be able to simply maintain there, you will constantly be challenged.

Today this is what alliance looks like for me. Me dark hair (alliance) with a little defiance (I have a little help with color for the stray grays) and a tiny bit of compliance in that I need to wrap this up and hang my clothes out to dry and finish the laundry.

I like myself better in alliance.

You do not need to wait until you are half a century old to feel this way! It can happen now. If you are old enough to read this blog post, then you are old enough to have had some life experiences, good or bad, that hold meaning. Find the meaning, find the lesson, find your alliance.